And fine, so you're in camp more than half the time. So naturally, I get more out of them than you. But it's even when you're free. During your bloody nights out, which you'd rather spend with a bunch of guys that you're already with 24 hours, 5 days a freaking week than your girlfriend who you spend less than 24 hours with a week. Fuck that. That's for later.

So anyway, even A replies me more than you do. And I fucking talk about so much more to him in that measly 5 or 6 texts than I do to you in 3 nights combined. I thought we weren't supposed to be left with nothing left to say, I thought even so, silence would be okay and appreciated. Fuck. You obviously didn't. And someone I've haven't talked to in more than a year, has so much more to say to carry a conversation with me than you. And he was freaking sticking up for you. They all were.

And why even tell me that you're having your night out if you didn't even want to see me in the first place? Why don't you just tell me at night? Then I'd probably feel a whole lot less worse than to think you actually wanted to see me when you really didn't. Fuck. And I even offered to go all the way there. I didn't even ask you to come here or anywhere for that matter. Fuck wanting to share the first night out excitement. Fuck cause I don't really care.

I've been trying so bloody hard and giving it so much. Anyone can tell. It's so bloody tiring but I thought you've been through enough in camp and I probably should cut you some slack. But fuck that. I'm fucking tired of thinking for you for everything. I'm not gonna care this week. I don't care if I don't get to see you at all. I'll won't rush home after the run just to rush to see you. Nope, I'm not doing that. I'm gonna take my time and I don't care if I'm not gonna make it to the dinner reservation. And I'm not gonna try to want to spend Sunday with you. I will not go over early in the morning. I'm gonna go and ride the roller coasters and burn myself in the blazing hot sun and eat durians mad until I go sick the next day. That's what I'll do.

Fuck trying so hard for you.