Initially, I thought it'd be okay. Like I mean, normally I just spend Saturday with him. So this week I spend Sunday, then it's like practically the same. Right?

Heh. Or so I thought.

Cause then I'd have to see him off. Which means seeing him change into his green outfit, putting on his black rimmed glasses and the dog tag. He looked so different. And not the good kind of different.

Then finally the huge wave of realisation settles in that he is going away again for another entire week. And I just had him back for that mere 8 hours or so.

Then I had to go down to the bus station to send him off again. Watching him lug that huge black duffel, limping away in his a-size-too-small boots. And thinking, who is this guy I'm following?

And in the bus, his dad was asking him about him wanting to sign onto the air force, and about his university studies. And about him going overseas to do it if he had the chance. And they really wanted him to do it if he could. And my heart just stopped. Like, what? Overseas? Since when?

Did I mention that I hated that idea? It was bad enough that he was away 5/6 days a week. And now, overseas? It'd be like a couple of months at least. It'd be like the navy. Never seeing him ever.

But he said he wouldn't mind if he got the chance. And I thought, I should be supporting him, not hindering him and holding him back from achieving what he can achieve. And sides, I am thinking rather seriously about this job I had on my mind for awhile. And if I got it, I'd be away for weeks at a time. And I'm okay with that and think he'd be okay with it for me. If I expect him to be okay with that and support me, I should do the same for him too. So I sucked it all back in, and told myself I'd support him in whatever he choose to do even if it meant him going away for long periods of time.

I guess he could see the uncertainty in my face and the worried look. He asked me again if I would support him after he left for to catch the bus. What was I to say? Of course I would. I know he has more or less made up his mind. And I wouldn't do anything to change it for him. Even if it breaks my heart and kills me, I'd still put on a smile and say of course, as long as you like it.

I don't expect him to change my mind or give up my ambitions and dreams for him, although I would. So I shouldn't want to change his ambitions and dreams. I should be the kind of person he needs. Someone to support him in whatever he chooses to do.

And it really did hurt when he got off the bus and took his huge big black duffel. It took all of me not to tear. Watching him wave goodbye and set off with his friends was like... ouch.