I feel like crap again.

They were talking about school and subjects and all. And I thought about how I was one of the bottom in class for math and chemistry. And I worked so hard to get my A and B. And it still wasn't good enough.

I admit, I neglected the other subjects. But that's cause I thought at least I could secure a pass in those. I wasn't even confident in passing my math and chemistry then.

But when someone, anyone, looks at my results, all they see is a girl who got all the alphabets possible, except a S and U.

And they see a 72.5 points, which they would say "Not bad" or "Quite good" cause it's above 70. But it still isn't good enough to get a place in one of the local universities (that I'm interested in).

What was the point of studying so hard and sacrificing everything when in the end, I can't get into a local university and will be going into a private university that anyone, with the money, will be able to get into?

I might as well have lived my life to the fullest and enjoyed my youth, instead of slogging at the desk all day all week?

No one worked as hard as I did. I did tons and tons of papers and questions in that few months/weeks because I was scared that I wasn't prepared.

And I had no one to help me. Especially for chemistry. I had a newbie teacher, so she was of little/no help. And my math teacher was a huge help. But that A was all my own hard work.

And that 72.5 points do not show how much I had put into it. It does not even bring any justice to it.

Freaking dammit.

This will so haunt me my entire life, I tell you.

And they say that we are young and stupid cause we think too much of academic results. And just because we didn't do well, we get depressed and some of us who cannot handle the sadness may do some undesirable things.

And people comment among themselves saying it isn't the end of the world. But they don't understand that when you've put so much effort into this one examination for 2 years, and the results come out looking good cause you know you've put so much effort into achieving that and you know it was your best. But then no university will take you in, cause in comparison, you're not good enough.

Then now, you're confused. Cause all your life, you've only known one route. Which is the university then job route. Now that you can't get into one, now what? The entire world has been telling you all your life that the key to a good life is getting a good job, and to get a good job you have to get a good degree from a good university.

And you're young, so full of hope for the future, thinking that you've got so much you can achieve. And you've got your entire life mapped out in your head, thinking that your next step is university. Then when you get the rejection letters for every local university, you are crushed. You really think you did well, but apparently not by the rest of the world. The disappointment is great. Too much for anyone my age to have to handle.

This is stupid. No one should have to feel this kind of disappointment. Especially if you've put in so much sweat, blood and tears into it.

And when you see another newspaper headline about the death of a school kid because of his/her results, don't shoot your mouth off saying we're too young and naive and we pay too much attention to academic results. Cause the only reason we do, is because you people are the ones who groomed us into believing academic results are everything.